2 Cor 10:5b .... we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
The flashback goes on and on... to the time when I was a child, I used to squat at the corner of the staircase and look down to where all the children were playing- happily. Wonder why I will never be seen with the crowds. The aloof, "proud" girl prefer to stay away at the small corner, only to have some glimpse from afar.. why couldn't I step out of my safe-zone and play with them?
The antisocial sentiment of me stay on, till my adulthood. I started to open up a little bit when I received Christ into life, when I was surrounded by brothers and sisters who love me for who I am. Then on, I grew to become 'friendlier' and approachable... why not, everything is familiar, comfortable and well 'in-control'. I am contented and happy with life. But nothing is lasting.. things changed, only God knows why for us to grow. He wants us to grow, not to stay stagnant.. or for us to overcome our weaknesses?
Am feeling "defeated" again.. fighting with all my heart, I finally gave up. I can see Satan waving his full flag of victory. Am biting myself down again.. feeling wounded and defeated - going into the circle of pity party. Oh! I have no more strength in me to stop the voices which choke me to death. I almost drowned.. until I reach up my hand and ask for help. Lord, Help me! I wonder if He can hear me... if He can understand, if only He can feel my pain.
"Do not doubt Me, My child. Come and feel the scars on My Hands. I had love you with My Everlasting Love.. why do you condemn yourself? You are my new creation.. come and start anew with Me."
